When you let control go … (and it hurt)

2 and ½ years ago I was stopped at 8.00am at the USA customs in Los Angeles  with 2 little kids aged 8 and 10.  We were returning back to our apartment for the next 90 days with my gorgeous friend.

It had been a 15 hour flight and we were excited to be able to have the next 90 days here before returning back to Australia.

My friend  made it through (another story about that) and we did not.

For many reasons I won’t go into full detail here, but  I was searched, my bags were searched while my children were sitting outside of the room on their own at the airport customs.

I had a “What the !!!” moment of “Don’t you know who I am ?”.  And also felt totally powerless about what was going to unfold.

I was questioned and interigated, by women, no less (again don’t you know who I am ????, are you not a spiritual person who can see I bring no harm to your country that I have grown to love).

I still held out hope right until 6pm that night that this was just all some silly mistake and they would come to their senses and just let us go ……  but they did not.

10pm that night we were shuffled in a kind of divvy van (my children and I) 500 metres back to the departure lounge and sent home.   But not back to Melbourne, they only needed to get us back to the city we departed from, which was Sydney.  (scuffled to get connecting flights back to Melbourne)

The shock of not being able to use the phone, unless they monitored me, and other things coursed through my head.

But still I held it together and turned it into an ADVENTURE for my kids. They were confused but they were not traumatised, come on kids –  it was a game.  Also there was another lady with her little one there (who eventually made it through) so there were 3 kids running around the back of the customs rooms.  I did not worry about how much noise they wanted to make.

I felt in control for most of it. I looked the officers in the face and told them the truth and nothing but the truth. But for their “reasons” we were going to be sent back home.

At one point I totally surrendered and GAVE up CONTROL.  I knew there was a bigger purpose for this (and it’s taken 2 ½  years for it to unfold) but I knew me trying to control the situation was pointless.

My wishful thinking  and all my woo woo magic just wasn’t going to get us through those gates.

And the  saying “being in the moment” brought on a whole new meaning.

I was there, with my kids, being the bravest mother I could (they saw me cry once and it was a sniffle) but I was still in my POWER.

Nothing could physicaly hurt us. These people were doing their job, but I did see the way that they used Control.

I thought – are you happy people ?.  Do you like what you are doing?  How can I be a threat … ? I’m the Chief Goddess who loves people and inspires them to be on Purpose.

Clearly my lesson was to let Control go. To surrender to the part of me that doesn’t clearly see EVERYTHING paved out in front, step by step fashion.

Looking back now, it’s a time I do not wish to repeat.  It has not put me off going back one day (2 more years to go if I choose) and I still love the place and people I met there.

I look at my own business and my relationships with others.

I came back to deal with my ended Marriage, to claim my Power on so many levels and to start anew.  Well that “anew” took many twists and turns.

Things that worked before I left did not.  Work I put out fell flat. It was time to cocoon, to reassess and again let Control go.

And now I can say after 2 and ½ years I still don’t have it completely worked out.  I was a massive control freak prior to this. In my marriage (after claiming my power back) , in the business we ran together, in my own business on how I micro managed things.

And in all fairness, control is not a bad thing ….. The shadow can be and at times you need to Take control of situations and calm everything down.

Now I live from a different space. I live (or rather consciously do) from an intentional, focus on my desires, attract to you and stop controlling the outcome way.

Trusting you are still with me here.

Part of all my learnings is because I know my Purpose here.

I get to express it in all its messiness, it’s awesomeness and everywhere in between.

When I put on events or trainings I feel into who needs to be there and it’s already done.

It’s done.  Control has gone but all that is left is inspired action.

So when I sent a message to Pamelah to come over to Melbourne one more time to do Hand Analysis training and  I know it is going to be epic.  I know the right people will show up.  Of course I got a bit wobbly and worried oh will we have as many this time.   It’s a big trip and big outlay and it’s risky …. And I can just sit back and carry on in my little bubble ….

But my desire is to help as many people get on Purpose

My desire is for people to really embrace their awesomeness aka Souls journey

And those who are ready will …….. They will step forward and be welcomed into the Sanctuary.

For those who aren’t quite ready ….. There will be another time, not like this but there will be.

So if you are ready to relinquish control and to Embrace the power of who you really are then I encourage you to join Pamelah and I in April for either

Hand Analysis Level 1 Training or

Gift Marking and Heart line Classes

If you want to talk to me about any of these – please fill this in and lets chat.

All the details are on the page – feel into it.  You will know if it’s a yes a no or not right now.

I know for me when I booked into  my $1500 (yes that is correct) 1st Hand Analysis reading 7 years ago it was a “HELL YES and I’m GOING TO THE MOUNTAIN AND BRINGING IT BACK.” aka learn Hand Analysis and teach it to as many others as possible.      Done ….. and  more to be done.

Writing this email, took me right back to that customs office. As the day wore on and we were about to depart the officers who stopped us, their  faces looked softer, they looked like they actually cared and given what they put us through, I felt that they were only an instrument in the bigger theme of things. I don’t want to actually thank them, but I will, for if it was not for that day, I would not be living more authentically, more vulnerable and real than what I was before.

I suppose you could say it was written in my hands.

Many blissings and please reply if you have a similar story to share of how you relinquished control and if worked out for you.  (it does eventually)

Ps:  I have since learnt to ask the Universe to please give me more of a heads up next time …. I do believe she heard. <3<3<3

Goddess, please share, like and follow my blog!


Luanne Mareen Goddess On Purpose
Goddess, please share, like and follow my blog!



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